There is one piece of advice that I wish every newlywed wife received on her wedding day. It would probably reduce the number of divorces in our world today dramatically. That piece of advice is the following, “Women hold power over the trajectory of their marriage.” We have so much more control over our marital circumstances than we can even begin to imagine.
Learning how to harness and use that power responsibly is something that every married woman needs to understand. One thing is for certain: we are the keeper of our home. It is our responsibility to create a peaceful and loving environment for our marriage and family. Below are seven things that we can implement today to help “build up” our homes and create the marriage we desire.
A Christian woman knows when to bite her tongue.
“Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” Proverbs 21:9 (NKJV)
If you look at the book of Proverbs, it’s kind of funny how many times the sentiment of a “nagging” wife is repeated over and over again. It’s like God is saying, “Pay attention! This one is important!”. We see it in verses like Proverbs 21:9 mentioned above, as well as in Proverbs 21:19, 27:15 & 25:24, to name a few. It is so true, though! In my opinion, our tongue is one of the biggest weapons we have. It can build someone up, or, on the other hand, it can tear someone down in the blink of an eye.
We must learn to control our tongue with the person we have chosen to spend our life with. Encourage your spouse. I know how irritating it can be to find their socks right next to the hamper, the toothpaste left out, or even worse, their facial hair just sitting in the sink! I get it, believe me.
But instead of being that “nagging” wife, it is important for us to use our tongues wisely and to pick our battles. Choosing love over anger wins every time. And if that doesn’t work, there’s always the “sandwich” method. Air your grievances while making sure they are wrapped in a word sandwich of “niceness.” Believe me, sometimes it is all about the delivery!
A christian woman cleans up her side of the street.
“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, May be won by the conduct of their wives.” 1 Peter 3:1-2 (NKJV)
I know we have all said to ourselves at one time or another if only he would just change. Let me ask you something: have you ever considered what your side of the street looks like? Instead of focusing on the things you cannot change, try focusing on what you can change. The Bible tells us in 1 Peter 3:1-2 that we can win our spouse not by trying to change them but instead by changing ourselves.
This is so important, especially when your marriage is not looking its best. Turn the tables on your spouse and start focusing on you. Make them curious as you work on fixing those bad habits and become a better version of yourself. Without saying a single word, your spouse may become motivated to start working on their habits, and soon you will have a brand new marriage.
Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. You and your spouse are constantly evolving and growing. This means that the spouse you have today is not the same spouse you married. The only way to achieve a marriage that lasts 50+ years is to learn and grow together.
A christian does not try to be the man of the house.
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.” Ephesians 5:22-23 (NKJV)
I know the above verse can be one that sometimes gives a Christian woman pause. But it is important to remember that “submit” does not mean to be under your husband’s thumb. It means to allow your husband to be the man of the house instead of trampling over him and trying to make every decision ourselves.
In theory, we all want our husbands to be the spiritual leader of our home, am I right? But when it comes to putting that concept into practice and allowing our husbands to handle the reins, well, that’s when things get difficult.
When God created men and women, we were each given specific roles. Unfortunately, ladies, we were given the supporting role. We are meant to build up our husband and support him as the man of the house. If you treat your husband as the leader of the home, he will become the leader of your home.
a christian woman is virtuous.
“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.” Proverbs 12:4 (NKJV)
A virtuous woman is moral, has a strong character, does good deeds, and is a positive influence on others. I don’t know about you, but boy is that a lot to live up to. It can be a lot of pressure, but God does not expect us to be perfect. All He wants is our best.
There is one thing that the Bible makes clear: it is good for a man to have a wife. Ladies, we are a gift to our husbands. We are meant to make each other’s lives better and more fulfilling. Proverbs 31:1 says that a virtuous wife is like a ruby to her husband. It is important to take into account how you interact with your family, take care of your home, and help others in your community by striving to be a “virtuous” woman.
A christian woman chooses love.
“This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” John 15:12 (NKJV)
One thing I’ve learned is that it takes way more energy to be angry than it does to just be loving in the first place. This is something that applies not only to our marriage but also when it comes to parenting. The old saying is true. You catch way more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.
The next time you find yourself in a difficult situation where your instinct is to react in anger, try instead to take a breath before you speak. Oftentimes, just taking those extra few seconds before we react can help us to respond in love more often than we do in anger. Of course, there will be times when that doesn’t happen. Nobody is perfect!
The important thing is to not let that anger fester. Apologize quickly and move on, aiming to do better the next time. That’s the beauty of family; there is built-in forgiveness. The point is not that you will mess up over and over again, it is how you react after you’ve messed up.
a christian woman knows her purpose.
“And the Lord God said, ‘it is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.'” Genesis 2:18 (NKJV)
As I’ve mentioned before, we are meant to be a helper for our spouse. The Bible says in Genesis 2:18 that we are a “comparable” helper, meaning that we are supposed to serve alongside our husbands. Essentially, that translates to being a helper for each other and filling in the gaps for one another. While the husband is meant to have the role of the head of the house in marriage, we are still on the same playing field. We are not above our husbands, and we are not below them either.
A woman can build up her home by being a suitable helper for her husband whenever necessary. Marriage is not about keeping score. Instead, focus daily on being a helpful spouse without always expecting something in return.
A christian woman prays often.
“God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.” Psalm 46:5 (NKJV)
Take the time to go daily into your quiet place and be the prayer warrior for your family. You can build up your home by continually covering your family in prayer. No matter the circumstances you find yourself in, prayer is always the first step. Create the marriage of your dreams by fighting your battles on your knees before the Lord. Trust me, you will be surprised by how He answers.
