7 Tips When Raising a Strong-Willed Child
Now that I am a parent myself, I completely understand how my mom felt when I was not on my best behavior (Sorry, Mom!). I would say that I was a strong-willed child. Don’t get me wrong, I was obedient, but I first needed to say my piece before ultimately listening to my parents’ instructions. My mom would jokingly chastise me over and over again by saying, “I hope you have a child just like you when you become a parent.” Well, Mom, God answered your prayers! Although overwhelming, most would agree that the “baby” phase is one of the easiest. Then comes toddlerhood, where things start to get a little more difficult. These little humans that we were entrusted with are now mobile and starting to be able to vocalize their needs and wants. Then comes young childhood, and this is where things start to get a little more dicey! That sweet, rambunctious toddler now has opinions, and they certainly start to make them known. These are innately healthy behaviors because we want our children to grow and have thoughts and ideas about the world around them. It is important, though, that we teach our children to harness their strong-willed behaviors as they grow older, especially into their preteen and teenage years. Ultimately, we are raising them into adults who can function as productive members of society. Strong-willed behaviors that are challenging may ultimately help them as they navigate adulthood. Below are seven tips for dealing with strong-willed behaviors in our children. your strong-willed child needs you to get down to their level and make eye contact. “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (NKJV) Imagine how intimidating it is for a small child to constantly have adults looming over them! Getting down to eye level with your child will ensure that you have their focus and attention. Making eye contact gives them your undivided attention during a tense moment. This will make your child feel important and heard. This method is not only useful during a tense and frustrating moment. It can be used anytime you want your child to “really” hear what you are telling them. I’m guilty, like most of us, of taking the easy way out by yelling instructions at my children from across the room or sometimes in another room completely. This often results in an “In a minute” or “What did you say?”, which leads to more repeating. Imagine how much more effective it is to simply walk up to your child and relay instructions face-to-face. Odds are the tasks you are asking them to complete would happen in a more timely manner. Once again, if your child is smaller, get down to their level and make eye contact, or if they are older, sit down and make eye contact when speaking. Your children want to feel respected and heard, just like you. your strong-willed child needs you to remain calm. “Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly”. Proverbs 14:29 (Niv) It is very easy to lose your cool during a particularly challenging moment with your child. Believe me, we have all been there. The problem is that by not taking those few seconds to take a breath before responding, we are doing more harm than good. Our children do not hear us better when we yell; truthfully, they are probably not hearing us at all. Although the ideal is to think before you speak and respond calmly to your child, this is not always the reality. We are humans who make mistakes. Just like God gives us grace when we mess up, not responding to us in anger, our children deserve the same. The best thing to do when you feel that anger bubble up inside is to take a few breaths or remove yourself from the situation until you are calm. Then, when you can express yourself without anger, sit your child down and calmly resolve the situation. Since we are not perfect and will mess up, we are given opportunities to model forgiveness and grace to our children. When anger gets the better of you, make sure to apologize and ask for forgiveness from your child, and vice versa. Yes, we are the disciplinary figures in the home, but it is okay to show your child that you make mistakes, too. CLICK HERE FOR YOUR FREE CHORE CHART PRINTABLE! your strong-willed child needs consistent discipline. “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it”. Hebrews 12:11 (niv) Finding and implementing a discipline method is personal to each family and each child. What works for one child may not work for another. Regardless, the key is to choose a method of discipline that is age-appropriate for your child, is warranted for the indiscretion, and then to be consistent with our follow-through. For example, I know that I am guilty of saying I am going to take away my child’s favorite electronic device, only later to give in when they ask for it because I am busy doing something else. This does not reinforce consequences to our children. The only thing we are doing is teaching our children that our words are meaningless. I get it; disciplining is hard, but boundaries are so crucial for our children. understand your strong-willed child’s power struggles. “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation”. Romans 5:3-4 (nlt) Power struggles occur when your child challenges your authority during
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